51. You can quote every verse of scripture that references it’s
biblically acceptable to hunt and eat meat.
52. You think the term “a three-point shot” is not a basketball
reference.
53. You have written several letters to the International Olympic
Committee urging them to include deer hunting in the next winter olympics.
54. You have gone through more deer hunting knives in your life than you
have pairs of socks.
55. State Troopers wait for you along the highway to your deer camp.
56. You think nothing about walking two miles in the dark through heavy
brush to get to your deer stand but complain about having to take the
garbage out to the end of your driveway.
57. You drive to deer camp with more stuff in your truck than you had in
it the day you moved into your new house.
58. You can relate to most of this list.
59. You rented the movies “The Killing Fields” and “Field of Dreams” and
thought they were hunting videos.
60. You call your kitchen a “feeding area” and your bedroom a “bedding
area”.
61. You know where to buy blaze orange toilet paper.
62. Your deer stand gets more annual maintenance than your house.
63. You think that not bathing during deer season brings you closer to
nature.
64. You have a hissy fit if you can’t find your lucky deer hunting
underwear.
65. You take extreme care not to bump your rifle scope but will pound on
the side of your PC when it “acts up”.
66. You think that “getting a little action” means the deer are on the
move.
67. Snow fall takes on a whole different meaning during deer season.
68. You relocate your entire family to another state just because it has
bigger deer.
69. You threaten your boss with physical violence until your leave is
approved for hunting season.
70. You’ll use your compass every two minutes during deer season but will
refuse to admit you’re lost when driving the family car.
71. You watch over your wife’s shoulder as she washes your hunting jacket
but you’ll wear the same pair of socks three days in a row.
72. You’ve named your rifle.
73. You won’t think twice about spending $25 for a deer license but
shudder at the thought of spending that much on your family at McDonalds.
74. You’ll track and log deer movement in detail but you can’t seem to
remember to keep track of the checks you’ve written.
75. You’ve ever tasted an acorn just to see if you can tell why deer like
them so much.
76. You suddenly “find” a wad of cash in your pocket for your wife just
before you leave for deer camp.
77. You’ve ever touched deer droppings with your bare hands to see how
old they were but you have to use a scoop and put on rubber gloves to clean
up after the dog.
78. You think that the great outdoors is just one big bathroom.
79. You’ve ever wondered what a rifle slug would do to that squirrel that
keeps hanging around your deer stand.
80. You can find your rifle shells from last year’s hunt within 10
seconds but you can’t find your car keys that you used last night.
81. Miniature candy bars are considered survival gear.
82. Sharing the outhouse with another hunter at the same time is not
embarassing.
83. You’ve never been at your daughter’s birthday party because she was
born three weeks early and it’s right in the middle of deer season.
84. You’ve ever bought a tree stand for your wife for her birthday….and
she doesn’t hunt.
85. You asked to borrow your wife’s new tree stand.
86. Your wife holds you at gunpoint on the front lawn after you return
from deer camp until you strip and hose yourself down with the garden hose.
87. You won’t tell your hunting buddies where you saw that big buck but
you’ll tell them the problems you and your wife are having with being
intimate.
88. You will spend hours scouting for just the right tree to place your
deer stand but you can’t wait to get out of the mall when your wife is
shopping.
89. Your spotlight can be seen with the naked eye by the space shuttle.
90. You have so many of those little handwarmers that they could be your
home’s primary heat source for the next three winters.
91. Your wife actually thought you were going to get a better job when
you told her you wanted to “make some big bucks”.
92. You have a jackalope mount in your living room.
93. You admire Robin Hood just because he was able to kill the king’s
deer with a long bow.
94. You tell bedtime stories to your deer rifle.
95. Your mother-in-law has to adjust the family Christmas party around
deer seasons.
96. You check for deer sign when looking for your lost golf ball.
97. You know which two diners in your county are open at 4:00 AM on
opening morning.
98. Just by looking at a single track, you are able to tell how big the
deer was, which direction it was heading, and how fast it was going but you
are unable to refold a road map the right way.
99. You practice sneaking up on your wife just to stay at peak
performance level.
100. You know what P&Y and B&C stand for.
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