Sunday, August 15, 2010

YOU MIGHT BE A DEER HUNTER IF......part 2

51. You can quote every verse of scripture that references it’s
biblically acceptable to hunt and eat meat.
52. You think the term “a three-point shot” is not a basketball
reference.
53. You have written several letters to the International Olympic
Committee urging them to include deer hunting in the next winter olympics.
54. You have gone through more deer hunting knives in your life than you
have pairs of socks.
55. State Troopers wait for you along the highway to your deer camp.
56. You think nothing about walking two miles in the dark through heavy
brush to get to your deer stand but complain about having to take the
garbage out to the end of your driveway.
57. You drive to deer camp with more stuff in your truck than you had in
it the day you moved into your new house.
58. You can relate to most of this list.
59. You rented the movies “The Killing Fields” and “Field of Dreams” and
thought they were hunting videos.
60. You call your kitchen a “feeding area” and your bedroom a “bedding
area”.
61. You know where to buy blaze orange toilet paper.
62. Your deer stand gets more annual maintenance than your house.
63. You think that not bathing during deer season brings you closer to
nature.
64. You have a hissy fit if you can’t find your lucky deer hunting
underwear.
65. You take extreme care not to bump your rifle scope but will pound on
the side of your PC when it “acts up”.
66. You think that “getting a little action” means the deer are on the
move.
67. Snow fall takes on a whole different meaning during deer season.
68. You relocate your entire family to another state just because it has
bigger deer.
69. You threaten your boss with physical violence until your leave is
approved for hunting season.
70. You’ll use your compass every two minutes during deer season but will
refuse to admit you’re lost when driving the family car.
71. You watch over your wife’s shoulder as she washes your hunting jacket
but you’ll wear the same pair of socks three days in a row.
72. You’ve named your rifle.
73. You won’t think twice about spending $25 for a deer license but
shudder at the thought of spending that much on your family at McDonalds.
74. You’ll track and log deer movement in detail but you can’t seem to
remember to keep track of the checks you’ve written.
75. You’ve ever tasted an acorn just to see if you can tell why deer like
them so much.
76. You suddenly “find” a wad of cash in your pocket for your wife just
before you leave for deer camp.
77. You’ve ever touched deer droppings with your bare hands to see how
old they were but you have to use a scoop and put on rubber gloves to clean
up after the dog.
78. You think that the great outdoors is just one big bathroom.
79. You’ve ever wondered what a rifle slug would do to that squirrel that
keeps hanging around your deer stand.
80. You can find your rifle shells from last year’s hunt within 10
seconds but you can’t find your car keys that you used last night.
81. Miniature candy bars are considered survival gear.
82. Sharing the outhouse with another hunter at the same time is not
embarassing.
83. You’ve never been at your daughter’s birthday party because she was
born three weeks early and it’s right in the middle of deer season.
84. You’ve ever bought a tree stand for your wife for her birthday….and
she doesn’t hunt.
85. You asked to borrow your wife’s new tree stand.
86. Your wife holds you at gunpoint on the front lawn after you return
from deer camp until you strip and hose yourself down with the garden hose.
87. You won’t tell your hunting buddies where you saw that big buck but
you’ll tell them the problems you and your wife are having with being
intimate.
88. You will spend hours scouting for just the right tree to place your
deer stand but you can’t wait to get out of the mall when your wife is
shopping.
89. Your spotlight can be seen with the naked eye by the space shuttle.
90. You have so many of those little handwarmers that they could be your
home’s primary heat source for the next three winters.
91. Your wife actually thought you were going to get a better job when
you told her you wanted to “make some big bucks”.
92. You have a jackalope mount in your living room.
93. You admire Robin Hood just because he was able to kill the king’s
deer with a long bow.
94. You tell bedtime stories to your deer rifle.
95. Your mother-in-law has to adjust the family Christmas party around
deer seasons.
96. You check for deer sign when looking for your lost golf ball.
97. You know which two diners in your county are open at 4:00 AM on
opening morning.
98. Just by looking at a single track, you are able to tell how big the
deer was, which direction it was heading, and how fast it was going but you
are unable to refold a road map the right way.
99. You practice sneaking up on your wife just to stay at peak
performance level.
100. You know what P&Y and B&C stand for.

Monday, August 9, 2010

YOU MIGHT BE A DEER HUNTER IF.....part 1

YOU MIGHT BE A DEER HUNTER IF…

1. Your annual hunting equipment budget is more than your family’s
annual grocery budget.
2. The term “making a stand” does not indicate your position on a
political or religious issue.
3. Most of your house is decorated in camoflauge and/or blaze orange.
4. You oil your rifle every two weeks whether it needs it or not but
you’ve had to replace two engines in your truck because you forgot to
change IT’S oil.
5. You have the Game Commission on speed dial on your phone at work.
6. Your marriage is on the rocks because you spend most of your evenings
and weekends “scouting”.
7. You know the exact ballistics, energy, and trajectory of your rifle
ammunition but you can’t balance your checkbook.
8. “NO HUNTING” signs throw you into a fit of rage.
9. You plan ALL of your vacation around deer hunting seasons.
10. You spend time at work making lists like this one.
11. You know a deer’s anatomy structure like the back of your hand.
12. Your kids’ yelling gives you a headache but you can spend hours at
the rifle range unfazed.
13. You’ll stop traffic during rush hour just to watch a couple deer
standing in a field.
14. You can field dress a deer without blinking but you can’t change a
diaper without losing your lunch.
15. You can find your favorite hunting spot in the dark but you can’t
find something in your own house that the wife asks you to get for her.
16. The year has three seasons….The Pre-Rut, The Rut, and The Post Rut.
17. You’ll wear attractant scents during deer season but you won’t put on
cologne during a night out with your wife.
18. You can spot a deer half hidden by foliage standing 100 yards away
but you can’t see the dishes in the sink that need to be done.
19. You only get and send Christmas cards to your hunting buddies.
20. You can remember the exact time, date, location, and weather
conditions of every deer you’ve ever taken but you can’t remember your own
anniversary.
21. You can make a gun rack out of a deer’s front legs in 30 minutes.
22. You dive right in to every hunting magazine you get in the mail but
will let bills sit for weeks.
23. Your children refer to deer season as “the time Daddy goes away”.
24. You always wake up before the alarm goes off for opening day of deer
season but you can’t wake up in time for work.
25. Venison is one of the four basic food groups.
26. “DEER CROSSING” signs give you a sense of anticipation.
27. You’ve sent in over 100 job applications to BUCKMASTERS.
28. The picture on your desk of your deer antlers is bigger than the
picture of your kids.
29. You can assemble your portable deer stand in the dark with quiet
efficiency but you wake the baby up every morning getting ready for work.
30. “Dates” with your wife always conclude with you making your wife drive
around to local fields while you hang out the window with a spot light.
31. You can survive in the woods for days eating grubs and strange
looking plants but you complain when the dinner your wife makes isn’t so
good.
32. Your trigger finger has blisters on it.
33. On an afternoon drive in October, your wife comments on how pretty
the leaves are. You keep wishing they would fall to the forest floor so
you can pinpoint deer feeding and bedding areas.
34. You spend an extra $20 a month just to get the Weather Channel on
cable. Then you only watch it during the week prior to deer season.
35. You can skin a deer with precise effectiveness but you can’t carve
the Thanksgiving turkey.
36. You can sit on a deer stand for hours in sub-zero temperatures but
it’s too cold to shovel the driveway.
37. You can track a deer for miles but you can’t find your kids in the
mall.
38. You can hit a deer running through the brush at top speed at 100
yards but you can’t hit the toilet when going to the bathroom.
39. You think it’s logical to spend $200 a year on your license, bullets,
food, camp dues, and gas just to save $100 in meat costs.
40. You have banned your children from ever watching the movies “Bambi”
and “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”.
41. You consider deer dragging to be a scientific art and worthy of hours
of conversation.
42. You give driving directions that include the phrase “turn left after
that field where the big eight point hangs out”.
43. Your bed spread is made up of four processed deer hides.
44. You hang out at the local corner store just to get tips on where the
deer are.
45. You think “Doe in Estrus” deer scent “doesn’t smell that bad”.
46. The winch on your truck has only ever been used to drag a deer out of
the woods.
47. Your watch still has blood and hair on it from last year’s deer you
cleaned.
48. You are always late for church in the fall because you just had to
check out one more field for deer.
49. You have four maps of the area you have hunted all your life but you
refuse to even look at the operating instructions for your new VCR.
50. You consider the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA)
as being the “spawn of Satan”.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

PRACTICING THOSE UGLY SHOTS

Everything is perfect. It’s opening morning of the archery season and
you’re in your stand well before daylight. You’ve scouted out your hunting
area and have pinpointed a couple shooter bucks in the vicinity. You’ve
been practicing with your bow all summer and your sights and shooting form
are perfectly tuned. You’ve cleared several shooting lanes and have your
yardage memorized. The wind direction is ideal. You have successfully
identified and overcome all variables in your hunt.

Or have you?

One BIG variable that we have to deal with in hunting whitetails are the
whitetails themselves.

For a period of eight years, I was an umpire with the Amateur Softball
Association. Thinking to start us out on easy games, new umpires were
assigned to youth female leagues….I’m talking 8 to 10 year-old girls here.
As a player and new umpire, you should be able to anticipate how a play is
going to unfold even before it takes place. With one out and a runner on
first, a ground ball hit to the shortstop SHOULD be flipped to the second
baseman who SHOULD be covering the bag who SHOULD in turn throw to first
for what SHOULD be the third out. Being able to anticipate the play allows
an umpire to be in the proper position to make all the calls in a single
umpire game.

But I’ll tell you what….those youth female softball teams ate me up. The
ball was seldom thrown to the base you’d expect. A grounder to the third
baseman with runners on first and second could literally be thrown to any
base…and sometimes to no base at all. Runners would run or not run to the
next base depending on how they felt at that moment. I would see right
fielders covering second base on an infield hit. And there were usually
four or five defensive players trying to make a play on the ball at the
same time. I would find myself desperately trying to be in the right place
at the right time to make the right call.

Deer are like those youth softball players…..they don’t always do what you
expect them to do so being in the right place at the right time to make the
right shot becomes a challenge.

That perfect hunting scenario I previously mentioned can be thrown all out
of whack if that buck decides to come near your stand from a direction or
angle you did not expect. And in order to get a good shot at him, you must
now stoop down slightly to aim under a branch, twist your body around
because he came in from behind you, or my most uncomfortable situation….he
comes in from my right side and I’m a right-handed shooter.

We have to be prepared to make these kinds of ugly and awkward shots BEFORE
they are presented to us in real-life hunting situations. And the only way
to do that is to practice them at home in our backyard during the summer.

Too often, archers practice on level ground and flat-footed. You will be
surprised at how few deer you will shoot at on level ground and
flat-footed.

We can’t possibly eliminate all the variables when hunting
whitetails….thank goodness! But practicing those unorthodox shots from
nearly impossible positions will give you greater confidence to make them
when that buck shows up in a location you didn’t expect.

Monday, July 19, 2010

The Perfect Plan

I remember my high school basketball coach hastily drawing out a special
play on his clipboard as we huddled around him during a time-out. His X’s
and O’s were placed exactly where he wanted them and his lines of movement,
screens, and ball passing arrows were precise. These “special” plays
usually occurred towards the end of the game with mere seconds remaining
and the outcome still in question.

And things weren’t calm in that little huddle.

The crowd was screaming, the cheerleaders were pumping everyone up, the
coach was yelling to be heard and to make his point, and we were sweating,
trying to catch our breath, and remember our assignments. Did I mention the
cheerleaders?

On paper, that plan seemed to be the perfect play. All we had to do was
execute it.

However, there is a lot that can go wrong between the conception of a plan
and the execution of it. Sometimes, the play worked to perfection. But
sometimes, things didn’t work out so well. And it usually stemmed from the
fact that the defensive players were never where they were supposed to be.
They were never shown that clipboard.

As archery hunters, our goal is to place ourselves within comfortable bow
range of an unsuspecting deer. We pour over maps, scout feeding and bedding
areas, look for funnels along travel routes, and practice long hours with
our equipment. When we find just the right setup, we think we have a
perfect plan. Now all we have to do is execute it. The problem is….the deer
are not privy to our plans….they haven’t seen our clipboard.

We’ve all experienced having deer come from a direction that we were
totally not prepared for. A number of years ago, I was in a stand and had
ranged three-quarters of the area around me. I didn’t bother with the one
quadrant because I KNEW the deer were not going to come in from that
direction. Wanna take a guess on what direction they DID came from?

We all should have a game plan in place well before we hit the woods. But
don’t plan things so narrowly that you have no room to make adjustments.
For example, I already know the exact tree I’ll be hunting out of on
opening day. However, if the wind isn’t just right that morning, I already
have alternate stand locations ready to go.

The perfect plan should not be set in stone. Rather, it should be a
“template” or “flowchart” that provides several options for varying
circumstances. As Captain Barbosa said about the pirate’s code in “Pirates
of the Caribbean”…”they’re more like guidelines”.

But having those “guidelines” when crunch-time arrives will give you the
confidence that your plan is a good one and that you will be successful.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

SPEED vs ACCURACY

So much emphasis lately had been directed towards arrow speed. It seems to me that most archers are searching out the absolute fastest bows on the market and want bows that are even faster…and manufacturers are developing
bows to fill the demand.

But how fast of a bow does one really need? And what are you giving up in a bow that shoots upwards of 330 feet per second (fps) or more?

Brace height (distance from back of riser to string) is the primary determining factor in bow speed. In general, the shorter the brace height, the faster the bow is. But, the faster the bow, the less forgiving it is.
Because the arrow leaves the bow at such a high rate of speed on bows with short brace heights, any flaw in your form or any twitch or mishap during
your release is going to be severely magnified when it comes to your accuracy. You will still have accuracy problems with long brace height bows too but the errors will not be as severe.

And how much arrow speed do you really need anyway? Let’s compare arrows traveling at 330 fps and those traveling at 280 fps. We’ll use a middle of
the road distance...30 yards (or 90 feet).

It would take the 330 fps arrow about .273 seconds to travel 90 feet (just a bit more than ¼ of a second).
It would take the 280 fps arrow about .321 seconds to travel 90 feet (just under 1/3 of a second). That’s a difference of .048 seconds (less than 1/20 of a second)!

Now, every deer reacts at different speeds based on different circumstances. But for arguments sake, we’ll say that a deer can react to the sound of your bow in about .100 seconds (1/10 of a second). The average human reacts in about .23 seconds (a little less than ¼ of a second).

All of these numbers mean just one thing…the difference in arrow speed between the 330 fps arrow and my 280 fps arrow is negligible when it comes
to the deer reacting to the sound of the bow at 30 yards. In other words, I don’t have to aim any differently that the archer using the 330 fps bow. At closer distances, the differences become even less.

To be fair though, you do gain one advantage when shooting a faster bow….since the trajectory is somewhat flatter on faster bows, you are able
to shoot through slightly smaller openings.

So what’s it gonna be? Are you going to go for all that speed and hope that you don’t flinch during your release and not gain all that much when it
comes to overcoming the deer jumping the string? Or, are you going to shoot a bow with moderate speed and gain a whole bunch of forgiveness?

As for me and mine…I’ll take bow forgiveness over arrow speed any day.

Monday, May 17, 2010

SUNDAY HUNTING IN PENNSYLVANIA

While it may sound strange to some of you, Pennsylvania does not allow hunting on Sunday….and I say we should keep it that way!!!

Now I know some of you hunters are aghast that Pennsylvania is one of the 12 states that do not allow unlimited Sunday hunting during normal firearm
seasons. But let me tell you why I feel that PA should NEVER allow Sunday hunting.

Right now, the firearms opener in PA begins on the Monday after Thanksgiving. In 2006, based on the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service’s National Survey of Fishing, Hunting, and Wildlife Associated Recreation report, approximately ONE MILLION deer hunters entered the Pennsylvania woods on opening day that year with a loaded firearm (this does NOT include
non-residents or hunters under the age of 16). In comparison, Texas only had 890,000 deer hunters on their opening firearms day while Wisconsin had 639,000 hunters.

Now remember folks…this is a MONDAY and is NOT a holiday. ONE MILLION hunters…not counting non-residents and hunters under 16!

Now, if PA permitted Sunday hunting, how long do you think it would take before someone suggested that the firearms opener be moved from that Monday to the first Saturday after Thanksgiving???

Conservatively, there’d be 100,000 - 150,000 MORE hunters hitting the Pennsylvania woods with a loaded firearm on the opening day of deer season.
This is in addition to the ONE MILLION hunters that are already out there…and we’re still not counting non-residents those hunters under 16!

While hunting is still one of the safest outdoor activities you can participate in, the chance for an accident WILL increase. Not to mention that the limited free movement deer have on opening day today will be restricted even more.

Sadly though, it all comes down to the mighty dollar. The additional 150,000 hunters in the woods is seen simply as a revenue increase to those
who make these types of decisions.

SAY NO TO SUNDAY HUNTING IN PENNSYLVANIA!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Another Hunter Joins Our Ranks

Both of my boys are now certified to hunt! Walker (my youngest) completed his Hunter Safety Education course on Saturday and only missed two
questions on the test! I officially took the class with Walker even though I was certified in Minnesota about a hundred years ago.
There won’t be a safe rabbit, squirrel, or grouse within 20 miles of my house this fall.

I tip my hat to the Pennsylvania Game Commission personnel who took time out of their busy schedule to administer the class. The instructors were patient, knowledgeable, and eager to inform. They had lots of hands on stuff for the kids to do and the time went by very quickly.

I plan on taking the Bow Hunter Education course that the Pennsylvania Game
Commission offers. While I have been hunting with a bow for a number of years now, I am always willing to learn, talk about, and participate in
archery related events. Besides, some states require a bow hunter safety course before you are permitted to archery hunt in that state.